Added: Germain Sax - Date: 04.10.2021 16:02 - Views: 48716 - Clicks: 3687
M arriage is hard.
Of course they rarely have a helpful answer for how to overcome the difficulties. The first year of marriage is incredibly important for your future happiness. When I got married, I hardly knew how to take care of myself, much less another person. How could my husband and I create a happy marriage from the start? How could we survive the first year, and come out happier than we were the day we tied the knot?
As the child of a wildly unhappy marriage, lacking in marital role models, I was desperate to figure out how to be a good partner and how to successfully navigate the world as part of a pair, without losing myself in the process. So, I set out to crowdsource wisdom.
For my new book, How to Be MarriedI queried hundreds of men and women, from over 20 countries and all walks of life, about what makes a marriage successful. Here are 8 lessons I learned from people around the globe.
Create a space where the two of you actually want to spend time together. Danish women taught me how much this matters. You never want your home to feel like an office or a hotel that the two of you are just passing through. The women I met bought deliciously scented candles and soft blankets by the sackful, and truly embraced the creation of a happy and cozy home where a new couple could get away from the rest of the world.
Naturally, this advice came from the French. Avoid the temptation to spend all of your time together in your sweatpants. And this advice goes both ways — your partner should put in an effort to win you over again and again. Not every day will be perfect, or even good, and that has to be okay. Talk about the imperfections and the pain points. The old adage says marriage is a marathon, not a sprint.
And some days will feel like an obstacle course where you have to carry your spouse up a mountain and through a pit of mud. Let your spouse take care of you once in a while. Women I met in Holland emphasized the importance of this. Complaining about marriage is practically an Olympic sport in America. Women all over the world, in literally every country I visited, called out American visitors as some of the worst offenders when it came to complaining about their marriages.
Instead, they encouraged me to practice gratitude, being truly thankful for the good things my husband brings to our relationship through regular verbal expressions of thanks. Pay attention to the great things your partner does instead of pointing out the negative. Even a small text message saying thank you can go an incredibly long way.
The most sage advice I got came from an Orthodox Jewish wife and mother in Jerusalem, raising six children. Take the time off to reset, and your marriage will be better for it. Post-wedding blues are totally normal. But how can you keep that excitement in a marriage? Continue to have adventures with your spouse. You can get the same effect from sampling a new type of cuisine together or riding the roller coaster at an amusement park.
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Thank you! For your security, we've sent a confirmation to the address you entered. Click the link to confirm your subscription and begin receiving our newsletters. If you don't get the confirmation within 10 minutes, please check your spam folder. This final lesson I learned from a stay-at-home dad in Sweden, who had worked on a photography book documenting the lives of men taking government-supported parental leave.
Now I realize how ridiculous that notion is. There are days, weeks even, when I do all of the housework laundry, cooking, bed-makingbecause my husband is swamped with work. Then we switch. The balance of who does what will ebb and flow, and the most important thing is to be conscious of how it changes.
What works for someone else may not work for you. Take heed of the advice and counsel of the people you love and trust — then construct your own path. at letters time. Getty Images. By Jo Piazza. Up Now. An unexpected error has occurred with your up. Each product we feature has been independently selected and reviewed by our editorial team.
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